Creative Distinctions-When Does Single Turn into Unmarried?

There’s alot of hoo-ha over the fact that proposed Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan hasn’t been married. There’s the school of thought that says, “so then she’s gotta be lesbian”, which has the gays rallying to support her and the government back-pedddling between, “well, we are denying she is homosexual, but….even if she were there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Then there’s the school of thought that recognises that a busy professional woman of her caliber not only doesn’t have much time for dating, but many men are threatened by obviously highly intelligent women. In fact, the 60 Minutes news episode on Harvard Business School students revealed that many Harvard women hid the fact they were Harvard grads for just that reason. They called it the H-bomb.

So the question raised in our morning paper today is, when does being ‘single’, which implies available, ready for fun and romantic exploration cross over to ‘unmarried’, with the implication of undesirable, past-the-sell-by date, frumpy and old maidish? Why do we associate ‘single’ with Susan Sarandan and ‘unmarried’ with Ms. Kagan, who are similar ages? And why do we assume that someone who is unmarried -whether by divorce or never having married- when past age 50 or so has missed the boat and will remain in relationship exile for the rest of her days? The same assumption rarely holds for men….

As with all things related to thinking and creativity, very often the key lies in the perspective and perception created by the context, and whose interests are served by the view put forward. As we believe, so we behave. And very often what we think we believe is just a mass of sssumptions we’ve taken on through exposure to cultural norms, ethnic expectations or historical imperative. We haven’t really thought about them at all. For when we do apply thinking, we see the whole issue can be quite complex. Or, sometimes quite simple. In any case, people ususally have reasons in their own minds why they do or don’t do something. But conscious awareness and thought coupled with attention to our feelings at least gives us a foundation based in reality to stand on and to work from. Then at least it’s easier to align our behaviors with our thoughts, and we can feel at peace.